Located in historic downtown Florence is a local Italian restaurant that employs a number of colorful characters. For no good reason, this game hurls these jerks into a brutal struggle for survival and bragging rights.


-Tournament: Creates a single-elimination bracket of 32 employees, randomly generates their abilities/weapons, and then pairs them up for fights until only one remains.

-Ladder Run: Allows you to create a custom employee. After creation, you then must survive through eight randomly selected enemies and then a special boss fight.

-Delay Output: Toggles whether output will be all at once or line-by-line.

-Reset: After starting a Tournament or Ladder Run, this button becomes visible. Click this to force a Tournament or Ladder Run to end instantly, or to start a new game after a Tournament or Ladder Run ends.


STR: Strength determines how much damage is done per hit.

DEX: Dexterity affects how often hits will land on the target.

CON: Constitution influences starting hit points.

LUK: Luck is the chance of dodging an attack or critically striking the enemy.

HP: Hit points are the health of the employee (current/maximum).

WEP: Weapon equipped by the employee.


All weapons except the Broken Tongs and Greasy Fist have a chance of producing an additional effect.

The ladder CAN be beaten with any weapon!

Greasy Fist: unarmed, weakest damage, no special effect
Broken Tongs: weak damage, no special effect
Ridiculous Rumor: weak damage, stuns
Saute Pan: medium damage, stuns
Gas Leak: weak damage, lights target on fire
Rosie Juice: weak damage, blinds target
Logzilla: high damage, breaks target's weapon
Cheesecake: weak damage, healing effect
Loracets: weak damage, healing effect
Drunken Rage: high damage, double attacks
Surge Protector: medium damage, crit/dodge boost effect
Chainsaw: high damage, halves target's strength
Fairy Wand: weak damage, instantly kills target

Additional Info

There is a 2% chance of something ridiculous and/or magical happening after each turn...

The wand can only be given to a player by a genie or fairy...

High CON and a good weapon are very helpful for ladder runs...